THE WATCHER

MY RESONANCE WITH THE OUTSIDER NARRATIVE IN CODE-SWITCH MAY STEM FROM A DEEPER SENSE OF DISCONNECTION IN SOCIAL INTERACTIONS. WHILE SOCIAL FLUIDITY SEEMS TO COME EFFORTLESSLY TO MOST PEOPLE AROUND ME, I AM ACUTELY AWARE OF HOW MECHANICAL IT FEELS FOR ME. EVERY GESTURE, RESPONSE, OR ENGAGEMENT REQUIRES DELIBERATION, AS IF I’M NAVIGATING AN INHERENTLY UNFAMILIAR TERRAIN.

THIS SENSE OF BEING “OFF-KEY” PARALLELS THE PERSPECTIVE OF AN OUTSIDER, OBSERVING AND INTERPRETING HUMAN BEHAVIOUR AS THOUGH IT WERE A STUDY RATHER THAN AN INNATE UNDERSTANDING. IT IS NOT A FAILURE TO PARTICIPATE BUT A CONSTANT SENSE OF WATCHING FROM THE MARGINS, TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T COME NATURALLY.

THIS DICHOTOMY BETWEEN THE NATURAL AND THE MECHANICAL IS CENTRAL TO THE OUTSIDER LENS IN CODE-SWITCH. IT ENCOURAGES A DEEPER EXAMINATION OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BELONG, TO CONNECT, AND TO EXIST WITHIN SYSTEMS THAT OFTEN FEEL UNREACHABLE OR ALIEN. PERHAPS THIS CRUDE SENSE OF ENGAGEMENT IS NOT A WEAKNESS BUT AN OPPORTUNITY TO UNDERSTAND HUMAN INTERACTION FROM A PERSPECTIVE FEW GET TO EXPERIENCE.