LOST BOYS

SOMETIMES, I WONDER IF MY RELUCTANCE TO SETTLE ON A SINGULAR PATH REFLECTS A FORM OF IMMATURE RESISTANCE—A REFUSAL TO “GROW UP,” LIKE PETER PAN, CONTENT TO RULE OVER THE LOST BOYS. MOST PEOPLE I KNOW HAVE PICKED A DIRECTION AND ARE MOVING WITH CONVICTION, WHILE I REMAIN IN A STATE OF QUESTIONING.

BUT IT’S NOT THAT I BELIEVE THERE IS A PERFECT PERSPECTIVE TO BE FOUND. RATHER, I AM SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING MORE INTEGRATED—A WAY OF SEEING THAT CAN TAKE MULTIPLE VIEWPOINTS INTO ACCOUNT SIMULTANEOUSLY. I STRUGGLE WITH THE IDEA OF COMMITTING TO A PERSPECTIVE THAT IGNORES THE VALUE OF OTHERS, EVEN IF THE RESULT IS MORE IMMEDIATE CLARITY OR DIRECTION.

THIS SEARCH, HOWEVER, LEAVES ME WONDERING: AM I SIMPLY AVOIDING COMMITMENT, OR IS THERE MERIT IN MY DESIRE TO SYNTHESISE AND INTEGRATE? THE DIFFICULTY OF FINDING OTHERS WHO SHARE THIS APPROACH SOMETIMES MAKES ME DOUBT THE PATH I’VE CHOSEN, BUT THE INQUIRY ITSELF FEELS ESSENTIAL.